Tales of the brothers Mcdoogal
by MuddPaw
Summary: Come and sit by my fire as we hear wizard and muggle fairytales with Harry, Hermione, and the Weasly clan! Note: May contain a few small spoilers.
1. Cinderella  Part One

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any thing related to Harry Potter, except my Harry Potter tee-shirt which I got on sale for $5.99….**

"You ready for this Ron?" asked Hermione

"Fire away" he replied lazily and Hermione, with an apprehensive look at Harry, began to read:

_There once was a beautiful little girl named Ella. She was a very happy but one day, her mother, a lovely sweet and charming young lady fell ill and died very suddenly._

"Of Cinderella." said Ron matter-of-factly, fooling with his wand and showering red and green sparks on the sofa.

"No," said Hermione impatiently, "of an illness."

"Yeah, that's what I said!"

"Ron," interrupted Harry, "Cinderella's the kid."

"Blimy!" said Ron sitting up fast "The girl killed her Mother? "

"No!" yelled Harry

"Wait, I thought her name was Ella?"  
"It is." Said Harry, "but"

"She's having one heck of an identity crisis."

Hermione rolled her eyes and continued to read

_Ella's father, a traveling doctor, soon fell in love with a tall, skinny woman." _

"Rebound" muttered Ron.

_And they were to be married. But when Ella's father left, she was a curl, mean, horrible woman, who made Ella clean, cook and dust till the end of the day. Ella's only safe haven was the few precious days in which her father came home. One day Ella woke up early to bring tea to her father's study and found him slumped across his desk, a knife through his heart. Dead. He had claimed his own life, in his type writer, the ink still wet, was his note of farewell._

"Poor kid, First the identity crisis now this…"

_Ella was treated more poorly now and the two wicked, evil step-sisters she had, nick-named her Cinderella, Because of the cinders on her apron from cleaning the fire place. _

"Wow." breathed Ron, "this story is depressing."

_One day there was a magical ball and everyone in the land was going to be there except that is, Cinderella… _

"Why?" asked Ron. "Did she go on holiday?"

"No! Her step-mother wouldn't allow it!"

"Harry," said Ron," you better not read this to Teddy Lupin when he's older or he'll be seriously messed up."

"Ron!" said Hermione sharply.

"It's true!" yelled Ron back. "Kid's an orphan, a slave and…and…very badly dressed!"

Harry pried the book from a seething Hermione's hands and began to read, the childish tale.

_Alone in the garden Cinderella began to cry... "Why are you crying?" asked a voice. Cinderella started. She had thought she was alone…_

"Hey! That voice's trespassing on private property, 'cause she's in _her_ garden right?"

"Ron, you're such an idiot…why do I love you?!"

"What was that last bit?"

"Never mind…."


	2. Babbity Rabbity

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did then I'd have so much money they'd have to make up a new number.**

**A/N: It's short **

"Okay." Ron opened the book.

_**Babbity Rabbity and her Cackling Stump**_

Babbity Rabbity skipped down the lane

And then stopped with a_ thubnk_

Why?

Because she'd realized,

She's lost her cackling stump

She called

and Called

and Finally

Shouted with glee

"My stump!"

"My stump!"

"My cackling stump!"

All the time

He'd been

Under her rump.

Ron closed the book with the air of satisfaction. But Harry and Hermione gaped at him.

"What?" spluttered Hermione.

"What the heck was that!" yelled Harry.

"You don't get it?" said Ron, surprised, the smile slipping from his face. "Well, Babbity Rabbity lost her stump and turns out she was sitting on it and-"

"What's a thubnk?" Interrupted Harry, with interest.

"Well, it's like a sound-"

Ginny walked into the room

"Babbity Rabbity?" She guessed amused. "Yes I never got it either……"

Ron just slumped in his seat and grumbled 'You're the ones who name children after fire remains."


	3. Cindella  Part Two

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Ohh….now I'm depressed**

**A/N: Thanks to all those who reviewed!**

**A/N: Enjoy **

Ginny sat down and decided to join the party, as Hermione continued to read out of her old, tattered fairy-tale book.

_It was Cinderella's fairy-god mother!_

The words were barley out of Hermione's mouth before Ginny and Ron began to roll on the floor laughing. The two did not stop for a few minuets, and then, with tears rolling down his face, Ron choked out:

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"

"Uh…why is that funny?" Harry asked awkwardly, staring from Ron to Ginny, with the most perplexed expression on his face.

"Well, because," said Ginny, finally able to control her laughter. "Fairies don't do anything!" But Harry and Hermione were still confused,

"But no!" She said and Ron and Ginny turned to look at her. This time _they_ were confused. "But they are useful!" Hermione began, "they light up! At Hogwarts they're used every year for Christmas! And remember the Yule Ball?!"

Harry had a flashback moment, where he pictured the little, wispy, tinkering fairies that floated about every year. But then he remembered Ginny dancing with Neville Longbottem at the Yule Ball, and smiled rather grimly. Oh, yeah. He remember

"Hermione," Ron was explaining patiently. "What's so special about being able to make your but light up? You can do that with your Laternwasps!" He exclaimed.

"_Fireflies_." Hissed Ginny who had begun to take muggle studies, just because he father had wanted her too.

"Um, anyway," continued Hermione.

"_If your wish is to go to the ball," whispered her godmother. "Then that is what you shall have!" Cinderella's fairy-god mother waved her wand and a pumpkin from the garden became a lovely carriage. Six mice became handsome coach men and strong, powerful, valiant, snow white, stallion horses._

"_Oh, you can't wear that silly thing." scoffed her godmother, pointing at her torn frock disapprovingly._

"_But, I haven't got anything else!" Cinderella protested. But she need not worry. With one flick of her godmother's wand the rags became a beautiful gown of pure, lilac, silk and soft, pink satin and-"_

"Hermione!" said Percy astonished, strolling into the room He had been spending much more time at home lately after Fred's death and his reassignment from the ministry.

"I thought you'd at least know that clothing is one of the five exceptions to 'Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration'! Oh, and I think the line is 'Protested Cinderella', not 'Cinderella protested'."

"It's only a story!" Yelled Hermione, furiously. Harry picked up the book she'd thrown to the floor in her anger, as Percy settled down on the couch next to Ginny.

He began to read hastily before Hermione strangled anybody.

"_But," the fair, fairy godmother warned. "The spell will be broken by midnight."_

This statement was met by angry uproar from the Wesley clan.

"Why?!" They demanded. "It doesn't work like that!"

"Why did I agree to this?" Hermione moaned, slipping down in her seat, amidst the arguing family. And Harry stood up abruptly and left for the kitchen to see if Mrs. Wesley kept tonic for headaches.

**A/N: What do you think? Please review if you liked it!**


	4. The Fountain of Fair Fortune

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter. Oh wait…you probably already knew that…**

**A/N: Hello! It's a little short today! But no worries! I will make it longer when I have the time. **

There was a knock at the door as Harry walked back from the kitchen, his head much clearer. He opened it reveling Bill, Fleur, and their six month year old daughter Victoire.

"Bill! Fleur!" Greeted Harry as Bill smiled and Fleur stooped to kiss him on the cheek.

"'Arry! It ez so good to zee you!" She gushed as the four-sum strolled into the living room. Hermione rolled her eyes while Ginny jumped up to hug Bill, and Percy called,

"All right Bill?"

"The Tales of the Brothers McDoogal!" Said Bill surprised, as he released Ginny and nodded curtly at Percy. Bill was still trying to forgive his little brother for walking out on the family. But today he seemed in good sprits.

"Do you mind if I…" His eyes lingered on the book.

"Be my guest." Said Hermione with a grimace.

Bill sat Victoire on his knee opened the book and began to read.

**The Fountain of Fair Fortune**

_Tommy was a very poor little boy, who was always bullied by his neighbor Timmy. _

_One day Timmy came over to Tommy's house and said:_

"_Look at my shiny new ball. You don't have a ball as wonderful as mine Tommy!" _

_This made Tommy very sad._

"Wow, that was very blunt."

"Shhh!"

_Tommy ran into the forest. He was so sad. _

"Um…didn't we already, kinda establish that?"

_Why couldn't he have a ball as fine as that?_

_Tommy sat under a big tree and cried. _

_When he had finished he realized that it had already gotten dark._

_Tommy was very scared._

_He stumbled around for hours! _

_Then, suddenly he heard a tickle of water and bumped into something large._

_It was a giant fountain!_

"How did he know it was a fountain if it was all dark?"

"Really Ron do you mind?" asked Hermione haughtily

"Well the story doesn't really make sense." replied Ron looking uneasy.

"And you think Babbity Rabbity makes sense?!"

"Yeah I do!"

"RON YOU ARE A COMPLETE-"

"Anyone for tea?" asked Bill hastily.

He stood up abruptly and led the way into the kitchen, Harry, Ginny, Percy and Fleur trailing behind him.


	5. Humpty Dumpty

Disclaimer: Uh hem! One and a two and a tree and a four!

[Insert Harry Potter Disclaimer Song Here

Um…Hi! Happy Wednesday! I know I said Monday or Thursday, but I couldn't wait!

Oh, and thanks to reviewers who said they liked my disclaimer song…

You get a virtual cookie!

After a few minutes in the kitchen, (where Bill had to cover Victoire's ears a few times and shout "HOW 'BOUT THOSE CHUDLEY CANNONS!) Harry, Hermione, and the Weasley's met Mrs. Weasley.

"Bill!" she exclaimed "How are you?! Oh, look at that hair! If you just got it cut just a smidge dear…" Mrs. Weasley and Bill continued to argue about the length of Bill's hair for another five minuets.

Soon the shouts died down and the group trooped back out to the living room. Ron and Hermione were sitting across the room from each other. (And glaring at one another too.)

"Yeah…okay back to Cinderella…"

"I'm tired of orphan, ill-ish, not knowing the rules of magic, Cinderella!" Ron burst out angrily.

"Ceenderellea? Wuzz ez thath?" Asked Fleur in a heavily accented voice.

"Can I read Harry?" Asked Ginny.

"Sure, why not?!" Said Harry looking at the table of contents, and ignoring Ron as Hermione tired to explain "Cinderella" to a very interested Bill and Fleur. "Page 365."

"Why don't you read a short one dears…?" Suggested Mrs. Weasley hastily "Dinner is almost ready!"

"Oh, okay." Sighed Ginny as Harry passed the book to her saying:

"Oh then 273, I guess."

Ginny opened the book and began to read.

_Humpty Dumpty_

_Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall_

_Humpty Dumpty had a great fall_

_All the King's Horses _

_And all the King's Men_

_Couldn't put Humpty together again_

Everyone sat in silence. The calm before the storm…:

"What the-"

"I don't believe this-"

"That was very violent Harry, Hermione; I'm going to have to ask that you don't read anymore stories like that!"

"What-"

"Hermione!" Exclaimed Ron, "A dude fell off a wall and died! You read this stuff to kids?!" He added disgustedly.

"No, Ron." Explained Harry patiently, "Humpty Dumpty's an egg and-"

Where does it say it's an egg?!"

Well-" Look at the picture! Hermione yelled

"What about it?!"

"THERE! THERE! THAT'S AN EGG!"

"AN EGG! THAT'S NOT AN EGG!"  
"YES IT IS!"

"NO IT'S NOT! AND ARE THESE STORIES ALWAYS IN THE THRID PERSON?!" "THEY ARE RIDICULES!"  
"THEY MAKE PERFECT SENSE!"

"THEY DON'T"

"YES THEY DO!"

"NO THEY DON'T"

YEAH THEY DO!"

"ARG! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!"

"_I'M _ANNOYING! YOU ARE SO COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY _ANNOYING!!!_"

"Um...Didn't they just do this?" George had just entered the room. Bill slapped him on the back as Geoger air-kissed Fleur and Victoire. "Hey Perce…" But after Percy had smiled and said "Hello George." Percy leaned over and said to Harry in a quiet whisper "Harry, it's 'the entire', not 'all the'"

"Oh, uh-"

"Hullo Harry."

"Hey George."

"Will they ever stop?" asked George with a frown towards the bickering couple.

"It's just a sign of affection." Commented Bill, pointing at Ron and Hermione and ticking his little girl.

Victoire giggled as Ron and Hermione looked up and shouted in unison

"THIS IS NOT A SIGN OF AFFECTION!"


	6. Cinderella Part Three

**DISCLAIMER: Hmm...Let's see. I need something witty! **

**Here we go! (To the tune of London Bridge!) (Which I don't own!)**

**Disclaimers cause me pain!**

**Cause me pain!**

**Cause me pain!**

**Disclaimers cause me pain!**

**What a bother to write them!**

**Wow, I'm losing my touch! **

**-----**

**This is a little short. REALLY sorry about the long update. I mean**

**REALLY REALLY SORRY! **

**I had a lot of stuff to do and it got stuck in the corner of my mind, in the cluttered bit where everything gets lost. I have retrieved it! And I will take an Unbreakable Vow that I will update sooner. I wonder if my brother's got a wand….Have you?**

**Enough about me! TO THE STORY! WOO!**

------

Let's hear the end of Cinderella! Said Ron, happy and full after a wonderful dinner, as usual provided by Mrs. Weasley

But it was Luna this time that opened the book. She had come for dinner invited by Mr. Weasley who had run into her before coming home.

She began to read in a dreamy voice

_Cinderella arrived at the ball in her carriage_

Harry and Hermione looked up at this, but EVERYBODY nodded approvingly

Maybe this was going to go well after all…

_And she stepped out. She immediately caught the prince's eye._

"_M' lady would you care for a dance?"_

"Corny!" Ron snorted

_They danced all right! ALL NIGHT!  
_"Ah, a rhyme! I know for a fact muggle poets use them. Is it true they write on a cum-putter? How exactly-"

"Not now Arthur!"

"Sorry Molly"

Yup, Mr. Weasley was still obsessed with muggles! Thought Harry Will probably always be!

_But the clock struck! _

_ONE! DOOOOOONNNGGGGGG_

_TWO! DOOOOOONNNGGGGGG  
THREE! DOOOOOONNNGGGGGG  
FOUR! DOOOOOONNNGGGGGG_

_FIVE! DOOOOOONNNGGGGGG_

"Uh, how long does this go on?"

"Ron! Shut it!

Um, Luna dear! Could you _please_ hurry it up!

"Eez borenig'" explained Fleur

_Six, seven eight nine ten, eleven!_ Said Luna in one breath

"_DDDDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!"_

Wow.

_Cinderella ran for it! But she hadn't noticed one thing! She'd lost her shoe!_

"Her _shoe_?" Asked Ron exasperated, "How the ruddy heck do you lose a shoe without noticing?"

"You know I've wondered that for years!"

"Focus guys…FOCUS!!!"

But Ron and Hermione had already entered the deep world of conversation concerning how you lose a shoe without noticing.

And for those of you who want to know, it was deduced you had to wear a VERY thick sock.


	7. Little Miss Muffet

**A/N: Wow! I haven't updated in months. Sorry about that. Here's Little Miss Muffet!**

**I really need to finish Cinderella and the Fountain of Fair Fortune but this was more fun. Please take THE VOTE. I'm trying to decided what to put into my story next. **

**THE VOTE  
**

**Why should Charlie be in the neighborhood?**

**They finally found that Dragon Harry, Ron, and Hermione rode out of the wizard bank.**

**He felt like visiting them**

**Fleur is going to have her next child and Charlie is going to god father so Bill told him to come home**

**Great Auntie Muriel was going to visit him so he told her he wouldn't be home and ran off to his parents house**

**I'm open to any suggestions**

**DISCLAIMER: Um… I don't own Harry Potter or his world, but if I owned Harry Potter and his world I'd have to own Voldemort. Ew. **

--

"Kids!" Mr. Weasley came into the small, yet cozy living room. "I think it's time you all went to bed."

"Can we read one more story Dad?" Asked Ginny. Though she didn't really like the muggle stories, she didn't want to go to bed.

"Oh, okay." Smiled Mr. Weasley, he _did_ like muggle stories.

"I want to pick it this time," said George taking the heavy book out of Hermione's lap. "The last time you guys read a short story, it was about murder."

"He was an egg!" Chimed in Ron. "I murder eggs every time I eat breakfast." Harry rolled his eyes as George riffled through the pages.

"I like this one!" He announced. "Little Miss Muffet."

_Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet  
Eating her curds and whey,  
Along came a spider,  
Who sat down beside her  
And frightened Miss Muffet away_

"Um…maybe I don't actually like it…" Everyone sat with a confused expression on their face.

"Uh…I don't get it." Said Percy rather lamely.

"What's a tuffet?" George asked Hermione.

"Yeah Hermione!" Ron asked, "You're the smart one, what does it mean?"

"I…don't…uh…know, I'll get a dictionary!"

""Mum, what's curds and whey?" Asked Ginnny

"It's like cottage cheese." Answered Mrs. Weasley. "Then, why don't they call it cottage cheese?" Ginny asked the room at large.

"Yeah!" Agreed George. "I really doubt a muggle child will know what curds and why are!"

"Curds and_ whey_ dear."

"It rhymes though." Harry didn't exactly know why he was defending the cottage cheese but he wasn't to pleased at this story bashing the Weasels kept doing.

"Noh et doezn't." Harry thought for a second. Muffet…Tuffet…_whey_? Fleur was right. It didn't rhyme.

"We could make it rhyme…" Luna said dreamily. She sat at everyone's feet cross legged on the floor.

_Little Miss Muffet sat with the bees  
Eating her curds and cottage cheese  
Along came a spider,  
Who sat down beside her  
And frightened Miss Muffet to Ni-ger_

"But with cottage cheese, it does sound good …?" Percy added uncertainly, and the whole room hastily nodded in agreement.

"I do agree with Miss Muffet though." Said Ron. "Spiders can drive away anyone who likes cottage cheese!"

"Speaking of milk-"

"We weren't speaking of milk" George interrupted his older brother Bill.

"We were speaking of dairy/milk products. Mum, do you have any? Fleur and I are out."

"Check in the kitchen dear." Offered Mrs. Weasley.

"Thanks Mom!" Bill left the room and almost ran into Hermione. "Whoa!"

"Sorry!"

"It's fine."

"I'm back!" called Hermione cradling her laptop in her arms. "I couldn't find Ron's dictionary, but says a tuffet is _a low stool; footstool_.

"But why don't they just call it a foot-"

"Ginny!" Called Bill from the kitchen, "Give it a rest!"


	8. The end of Cinderella Finally!

Harry awoke very early the next morning

**Disclaimer: Story parts : (I don't own!) /bgfl/custom/resourcesftp/clientftp/ks1/english/storytelling/cinderella/cinderella1.htm**

--

Harry awoke very early the next morning. Not because he had set his alarm, but because Ron had thrown a pillow at his head. Now as we all know pillows are soft, fluffy, and don't hurt when they hit you. Nerveless this was not Harry's ideal way to be woken up.

"What? G't off me." He mumbled sleepily.

"Oh, come on Harry! Mum wants you down stairs for breakfast. And she said to bring that book. Bill, Fleur and Victoire are coming over for dinner and Andromeda and Teddy Lupin are coming over for lunch. Mum wants to deem the rest of Cinderella 'appropriate'."

"Go away!" Moaned Harry. And in his defense it _was_ seven in the morning."

"We could put Pig on his head." Volunteered George's voice. George's old room had graduated from a couple of boxes to, as Ron said, 'you'd-have-to-get-Hermione-to-_leviosa_ -you-over-all-the-boxes-and-have-Harry-seek-you-out-in-the-morning.' So George was sleeping on the cot next to Harry's in Ron's room.

Harry heard the owl cage open and close. He bolted up into a sitting position, just to look around to see George laughing while Pigwidgeon still hooted happily in his cage. Harry frowned and Ron said apologetically:

"Well, it got you up!"

Percy on the next cot snored loudly. His room had been turned into an office when he left. And obviously offices don't usually make good bedroom. Except at the shrink's.

George put his finger to his lips and tiptoed over to Percy holding the infamous pillow. But just then Percy began to sleep-mutter.

"Audrey…ministry…seven?...I'll pick you up…wait...what…Nooooooo!" George began to pound him as Percy screeched:

"THERE IS NO SUCH PLACE!!" He sat up even more quickly than Harry had.

"What? I…? Oh, George." He said returning to hi usually prim and proper manner. "Really…what are you thinking?"

"Well," said George slyly. "Not exactly thinking as much as wondering who _Audrey_ is." Percy didn't say anything but his expression changed rapidly from surprised annoyance to red embarrassment.

"No one."

"Well, if there was an _Audrey _then I'm sure she isn't the one who works in the Magical Transportation Department of the Ministry."

"Yes." Said Percy. 'And if she were to stand me up by telling me that she'd met me somewhere that really didn't exist. Well, then I would not become crazy."

--

Half and hour later Harry sat behind a large stack of pancakes, the book propped up in front of him. He then began to read.

"_The Prince, who was now madly in love with her-"_

"In love with who?"

Hermione sighed.

"Cinderella Ron!"

"Well it was not clearly stated."

"How can he be madly in love with her?" Everybody stared at George, who exclaimed: "He just met her!"

"Oh, George, don't you believe in love at first sight?" Asked Ginny exasperated.

"No, not really. Idon't believe in ruhing into a relationship." It was true. After seven years together at Hogwarts he had _just_ started going out with Angelina Johnson.

"Um…anyway_ ,picked up the slipper and said to his ministers,"_

"Minister? He can't tell the minister what to do! He's the head of the country."

"It's a different kind of minister!"

"Go and search everywhere for the girl whose foot this slipper fits. I will never be content until I find her! So the ministers tried the slipper on the foot of every girl in the land until only Cinderella was left."

"Fow," Said Ron through a mouth full of pancakes, "Mat husta aken a otta yme!"

"Yeah, I guess it did take a long time…? Um…where was I? Oh, here-"

"How'd they know it was here? Did they have a giant list?"

"I don't know! So-"

"What a waste of paper!"

"Shut it Ginny!"

"Don't talk to my girlfriend like that!"

"Please just read Harry dear."

"Okay sorry Mrs. Weasley." With and angry look at Ron Harry started again.

"_That awful untidy girl simply cannot have been at the ball,. snapped the stepmother.-"_

"Wait she's still around?"

"Who?"

"Rebound lady!"

Harry ignored the comment

"_Tell the Prince he ought to marry one of my two daughters! Can't you see how ugly Cinderella is?"_

"Hypocrite!"

"_But, to everyone. s amazement, the shoe fitted perfectly."_

"Wait the shoe only fit one person? There must be a million people in the world with her shoe size? Did they test all the size fives who were on holiday in India? Japan? Canada? Brazil? Ukr-"

"Okay then.

_Suddenly the fairy appeared-"_

"Did she apparate?" Asked George. "Was she listening in for the right moment? That's bad ya'know…"

"And_ waved her magic wand. In a flash, Cinderella appeared in a splendid dress, shining with youth and beauty."_

"How many times do I have to tell clothing is one of the rules about-"

Harry took a deep breath and blurted out:

"_Her stepmother and stepsisters gaped at her in amazement, and the ministers said, "Come with us Cinderella! The Prince is waiting for you." So Cinderella married the Prince and lived happily ever."_

"Happily ever after? What kind of ending is that? Did they have kids? Did they become queen and king? Did-"

"That's jut lovely Harry." Said Mrs. Weasley, "but quiet a strange story!"

Harry and Hermione sighed and finished their pancakes.


End file.
